“If You Help a Damsel in Distress, You Might be Rewarded with Pie. And Beer”


Source: streetparker, “Faith in Humanity Restored.” Imgur. 22 January 2015


On 22 January 2015, Redditor streetparker posted on Imgur a Good Guy Greg meme with this text: “HEARD A WOMAN SCREAM IN TERROR AT NIGHT, RUN OUTSIDE TO HELP / SEE THAT HALF OF NEIGHBORHOOD RAN OUT READY TO KICK SOME ASS.” Of course, a Redditor asked, “What happened?” streetparker replied, “Around 1am I ran out of the building and some dude had just jumped into the car and drove off quickly, probably saw people running over towards them the second she started screaming. Maybe a thief or a rapist; her plea for help was terrifyingly real. The girl was all right, and I think the neighbors she knew took care of her.”

Qwicksilfer told this story:

“I get terrifying nightmares from time to time and sometimes I have been known to scream while half asleep (or jump out of bed or fight some bitches!). Anyway, my upstairs neighbor was a cop and one night I woke up at 2 am thinking there was someone standing over me and I screamed bloody murder. Within minutes, my neighbor was banging on my door asking if I was ok.

“Suuuuuuuuper awkward to open the door in my jammies and tell him I was just having a bad dream.

“I tried to make it up by baking a pie and bringing him a six pack of beer.

“That being said, my downstairs neighbor saw me a few days later and he just nodded to me and was like ‘Something happen a few days ago? Heard you scream. But then I heard the dude upstairs banging on your door and I went back to sleep.’

“Him I did not bring pie and beer.

“Moral of the story: If you help a damsel in distress, you might be rewarded with pie. And beer.”

Lazysheepdog716 told this story:

“Some [*]sshole was wasted, walking up my street and punching holes in some real estate for-sale signs and threatening a girl (who I assume to be his girlfriend) with violence. This dude was making a point of screaming and cursing as loud as physically possible so I came running out in sweatpants and no shirt (put on sneakers with no socks ’cause you know I gotsta have that footing) and a steel shaft 8-iron I keep by the front of my house. Three of my next-door neighbors (all men) had some blunt object or other and were already outside. We were trying to be reasonable with the dude but then he started motioning like he was going to hit his girl, then would pull back and cackle like WE were the idiots in this scenario. Right then the sort of spinster cat-lady of the neighborhood (still a very sweet and kind woman who doesn’t bother anyone) comes out on her front porch with a double barrel shotgun broken resting in the crook of her arm, not pointing it at anyone. She says, ‘Honey [talking to the girl], come inside and away from him.’ The girl immediately says ‘Thank you’ and ducks into her house behind her. Then Cat-Lady goes to the guy, ‘Now f[**]k off and run before I sic one of my cats on you.’ Dude went flying down the street terrified and we all lost it and started high-fiving. Best late night sh[*]tty wake-up ever. And best way I’ve ever heard someone threaten to shoot someone else. Don’t think it will ever be topped.”

For More Information: streetparker, “Faith in Humanity Restored.” Reddit. 22 January 2015


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