David Bruce: A Modest Proposal to Reduce the Number of Low-income People

Feel free to repost this opinion piece.

If we want to reduce the number of low-income people in the United States, we can totally do it. One way to do it would be to have a purge, as in the popular series of movies in which all crime, including murder, is made legal for 12 hours each year. The 12 hours occur at night, of course, in order to interfere least with business. The purge, as you would expect, is quite a money-maker, as people pay money to make their homes as safe as possible and keep out the purgers. Also, as you would expect, lots of homeless people are killed during the annual purge. One difficulty with the purge, at least at this time, is that it is illegal. But fortunately, we have lots of legal and semi-legal ways to reduce the number of low-income people in this country.

  1. Get Rid of Obamacare

People need medical care at least sometimes in their lives, and at least sometimes if they don’t get it, they will die. I myself might be dead right now if not for medical care. I underwent radiation therapy for cancer two and a half years ago, and my cancer has been in remission ever since. The radiation therapy was expensive: 44 treatments at $1,410 (this is the amount billed; insurance reduced this amount considerably) for each of most of the treatments, plus many other expenses. Fortunately, I had health insurance and so was able to get the treatment I needed, although I paid $9,000 out of pocket, plus all my insurance premiums, plus transportation costs to get to the medical center, etc. Someone without health insurance might delay getting or go without the life-saving treatment and so die.

Of course, Obamacare is expensive for many people, and some people don’t like it because paying the premiums is often difficult. A fix would be to increase the government subsidy, but taking away Obamacare and not replacing it for a few years, or ever, will kill lots of low-income people.

Of course, we would want to get rid of Medicare, too. Replacing it with vouchers whose value grows less over time (because we have to combat deficits, you know) will do the trick.

  1. Make All Abortions Illegal

In one of the recent presidential debates, a question was asked about partial-birth abortions. No one seemed to realize that these have been illegal since George W. Bush’s presidency and that no politician I am aware of is trying to make them legal again. Apparently, some people say “partial-birth abortion” when they mean to say “late-term abortion.”

This is an example of a time when a doctor will recommend a late-term abortion. At a meeting with the pregnant woman (or mother, if you prefer), the doctor says, “The fetus [or baby, if you prefer] has no brain, and its heart is not where it should be. The fetus [baby] will never be viable, and if you continue with the pregnancy, you will probably die. Therefore, I recommend an abortion.” (It takes something like this for a late-term abortion to take place; doctors don’t want to lose their license.)

If we want to kill low-income people, let’s make all abortions illegal. Rich people who need abortions can, of course, go to another country and get the abortion.

  1. Kill with Snack Cakes

If I ever want to commit the perfect crime, I will commit murder. All I have to do is to send free snack cakes to whomever I want to murder. Each week, that person gets a gift package from me filled with non-nutritious but delicious concoctions made of sugar and white flour. First comes tight pants, and then come obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, and amputations, followed by a heart attack and/or stroke.

A few years ago, rich, well-educated Dick Cavett attended his Yale University reunion and noticed something interesting: Very few people there were fat. Rich, well-educated people tend to stay at a healthy weight.

If you want to kill low-income people, stock the grocery stores with processed “food” and snacks. This is all completely legal, of course. If you want, you can place the snack cakes right by the completely legal cigarettes. (Chances are, you will find the chefs of the rich, well-educated people in the fruits-and-veggies section.)

  1. Teach to the Test

Make education all about passing standardized tests instead of, in part, reading works of literature and engaging in such things as music and art. Take away low-income people’s empathy for others (empathy can be gained through reading some works of literature and through engaging in some works of art), and they are less likely to help each other. They also will be less likely to think outside the box. And, of course, they will be more likely to die.

For example, someone has no health insurance and will die unless a disease is treated. What to do? One perhaps outrageous way to solve the problem is to marry a gay guy who has health insurance so you can be added to his insurance. That is an example of thinking outside the box, and it requires at least some empathy for gay people.

Yes, I have heard of a gay guy who married a female friend so she could get her cancer treated. After her treatments ended and her cancer went into remission, they got divorced. Today, they are still friends.

Also, of course, badly educated low-income people tend to eat snacks and grow obese. (And, unfortunately, sometimes obesity is caused by medication.)

  1. Cheat on Taxes

The US government has a military, and it provides a social safety net. The social safety net consists of such things as Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security, as well as various forms of Welfare.

People need money to survive, and if they don’t have money, they are unlikely to survive. By reducing your tax bill as much as possible, perhaps by hiding money in Swiss bank accounts or through other forms of tax dodging, perhaps even legal forms, you can tear holes in the social safety net, and low-income people will die.

Also, if you have a business, make sure that the business pays as little tax as possible. See if you can get a tax break by threatening to move your jobs to another state. When businesses don’t pay their fair share of taxes, citizens have to pay more than their fair share of taxes. This leads to a revolt against paying taxes.

Of course, if low-income people don’t get money, they won’t be able to spend money, and business profits will be hurt. All or most of that Welfare and Social Security money gets spent and ends up in the hands of rich people, but if we want low-income people to die, this is one way to do it.

  1. Make Guns Easy to Get

The great thing about guns is that they show Darwin’s survival of the fittest in action. Dumb people such as those who join criminal gangs get guns and then they shoot dumb people in rival gangs. The dumbest die.

Of course, some people who have guns are smart. If you are a farmer in Ohio or a rancher in Texas, you almost certainly need a pickup truck, a dog, and a gun. Those three things are necessary tools.

For this to work, we have to make it easy for low-income dumb people to get guns. Lots of those low-income dumb people engage in crime in an attempt to get money. Give guns to those people and let them kill each other. Sure, they will kill a few innocent bystanders and maybe shoot up a school or two, but this is not a perfect world.


Another way to reduce the number of low-income people in this country would be to raise their income and lower their medical costs. This would involve such things as providing medical care, such as a single-payer system in which everyone pays taxes and everyone gets necessary medical care without paying extra. This way no one goes bankrupt from paying for necessary medical treatment. (You will still be able to buy insurance for such things as having a hospital room by yourself instead of sharing one.)

It would also involve providing a strong safety net, including Social Security, so people are able to pay their bills and buy food and have at least a little left over for non-essential purchases.

We seem to be heading toward a post-work world in which there simply won’t be jobs for everyone (self-driving trucks mean fewer jobs for truck drivers, right?), and so I would love for my country to have a guaranteed universal basic income for all US citizens. (You get the guaranteed universal basic income and if you also get money from a job, great.) Just don’t call it Welfare because voters hate Welfare. Instead, let’s tax everyone and give everyone a check. Each year, we tax Taylor Swift and everyone else, and each month we give Taylor Swift and everyone else a check. No one is going to call Taylor Swift a Welfare cheat.

If only we had a political party that believed that the purpose of government is to turn as many as possible low-income people into middle-income people. If only we had a political party that would do such things as make Obamacare available and would not privatize Medicare and Social Security.

Should you believe anything that the writer of this article wrote? Of course not! If he’s so smart, why isn’t he rich?

Copyright 2016 by David Bruce

NOTE: Feel free to go to FREE EBOOKS at the top of this page and download a short pamphlets about writing humor and satire, with examples, including the above essay.

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2 Responses to David Bruce: A Modest Proposal to Reduce the Number of Low-income People

  1. geo. raymond says:

    Swift would be proud

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